Have a little faith

Long time, no post. Sorry about that. I was told that I need to keep up with this thing because of my recent sacrifices due to the lenten time period.

Is it possible to be sick without having the symptoms of a common illness? Well...lately you could probably compare my life to Dallas trafic. A fast, busy rollercoaster that sends all arrays of emotions shooting through your mind. That sounds pretty weird/bad to say about my life, but I mean it by the fact that I have not had a single chance to just sit and do that wonderful thing, that every teenager complains about all through out their days, called Nothing. At this point in my life, Nothing sounds so damn good. Kind of like a cupcake after a long month of dieting and training or even a nice hot shower after being outisde in the rain for a long period of time. I don't know why one would be outisde in the rain for a long period of time, but it was just a comparison to get the point across. You get it.

Anyways, this whole lack of Nothing in my life has caused a serious problem in every situtation. If I, somehow, end up doing Nothing I feel as if I'm doing something wrong and that I need to find something, anything, to occupy my time so that I don't fall behind. I find my mind constantly racing about things that need to get done, things that I need to plan on getting done, or what didn't get done. I guess you could just call this "illness" that I think I've been diagnosed could be referred to as Stress. As insane as it sounds, I wish we could all just say "Oh, Stress. Go away, please. I don't want you anymore. Be gone!" and it would vanish like a puff of smoke. BUT NO. It's there constantly hanging over our heads all the freaking time saying "You think everything is going well? Well here's this and this and this. Oh, and don't forget all of THIS." I know I know I sound like a lunatic typing all of this...but really...there has to be a way to get away from all of this.

I did read this quote one time that went along the lines of saying that the more stressed we are, the less faith we are having in God to take care of us. When I read that quote I began to believe it was true. Sometimes life moves so fast and we get so caught up in everything going on right in front of us that we don't see the one thing we need to see. Faith. It will guide you through anything you need. Thank God for faith. Really.

So now that I've type all this out and ranted about my nothing-even-close-to hard life, I feel better. Maybe I will start writing in this thing more often. Heck, I might even start adding pictures. We'll see.

Happy Friday! Gotta get down on Friday.

Another year older. Another year forward.

I cannot believe it's already 2012. I can't believe I'm 20 years old. Woah. Talk about freaky...two decades. TWO. I don't have a problem with it but it sure is a huge reality check when I'm thinking about all of the things I still have to do to get through school and survive in the real world. Not being a teenager anymore is taking that whole "I'm a big kid now" slogan and throwing it out the window. Now it's actual adult stage. After I turned 18 I didn't feel any different...kinda like the movie Sixteen Candles when Molly Ringwald is searching for something, anything, to make her thing she was actually a year older. That same thing has been done since the age of 16. Even though I turned 18 I didn't feel like an "adult", I just felt like an older teenager who could buy lottery tickets and get into night clubs. I don't believe that 18 should be considered an adult, I mean sure you have more opportunities to experience new things and all, but I really don't believe you are in any sort of state to take on ACTUAL adult responsibilities...at least I wasn't. Much of that didn't change when I turned 19.
  19 was, possibly, the stupidest age/year I've experienced. Sure, it was incredibly fun and I met some great people, but it was definitely a year of learning. When I say learning, I mean the complete opposite from scholastic...sadly. For the past year I feel like I was on a mission to find myself, unknowingly. At times it took me by surprise how much I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. Things that seemed so simple, from a highschool viewpoint, weren't so sweet by the time I actually reached them. Looking back on it now, I feel like I was in this weird daze where the motions just came to me without any questions even while knowing that I needed to stop and fix whatever mistake I was making at that moment but failed to do so. You could say that "Young, wild, and free" would definitely have to be the catch phrase for everything that was the age of 19 for me...
   Now it's time for age 20..along with adult hood comes a new year and I've planned my resolutions accordingly. I've never been much of a goal oriented person, but whenever I want something I will do whatever it takes to get it. What do I want this year?
  1)Success. It's that simple. Within the next 4-5 years I want to be finished with my first degree and working on, or be done, with my second. Starting from January 1, 2012 I'm going to do anything and everything to reach that goal.
  2)I also want to set a good example for my little brother who is now 13 and growing up to be such a nice boy. I want him to be driven, ambitious, never doubtful about his family's support for his future.
  3)More communication with my family. Coming back home for the Holidays made me realize that even after the horrid year, your family will stick by you always. I've never been much of a communicator with them just because I haven't taken the time to try, but hello resolution!
  4)A lighter outlook on life. It may sound like I think 20 is the end of fun and all of those things, but really it's just a time to get serious not negative. My glass was always seen as being half full until two semesters ago, but now it's time to bring it back. It's time to be more empithetic and understanding about things and the people around me. Gossip, negativity thoughts, and all that nonsense needs to be squashed and shunned forever.
  Last but certainly not least...
  5)Be more confident in my faith. If you know me, you know that I'm not the most religious person in the world. I don't know all the testiments in the bible or go to church every Sunday, but I do believe and I do pray. I know that isn't enough, which is why this is on the list.
    --My resolutions all have importance to them and are in no way ranked by the numbers listed. I think they are all a good mixture of a positive change for the year 2012 as well as the age of 20.

Woah..apologies for the insanely long post.

Always, Emily